I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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