I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
