My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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