Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
