God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I party with great urgency now.
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