omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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