My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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