and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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