Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
