I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
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Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
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There's a naked man in my car right now.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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