with your own penis?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
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I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
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My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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