Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
