So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
