took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
