If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
