you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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