pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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