we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He felt like a one man threesome
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
