So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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