I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
