Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
