I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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