When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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