ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
