I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
