I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
