i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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