I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm always down for nudity.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
