I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
