Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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