bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
