You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
