i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
