I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
