I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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