Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
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the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
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I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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