I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
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