somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
