I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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