Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
