I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
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