You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
is it fun? or sober?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
