he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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