Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
