John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
