The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
