She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
