I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Randomize
