Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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