At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
