do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
