suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
