I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
