It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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