Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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