my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
