then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Enjoy the penises
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
