When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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