lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
