If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
