Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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