I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Randomize
