Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
