i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
