I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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