If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
