Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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