yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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