Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
