so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
