I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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