Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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