Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
