Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
