I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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