some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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