walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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