Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
