i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize